We’re all worried about it. At this time of year everyone gathers. Linda brings up the election. Todd starts mansplaining. Rarely is there a workplace holiday gathering or end-of-year meeting where sensitive issues don’t come up. Oh, wait. You thought I was talking about holidays with the family?

Whether it’s bringing together far-flung (and far right and far left) relatives or just the company holiday party, some basic rules of the road apply to help you navigate both with grace, wit and diplomacy.

Know Your Audience

Spend enough time with anyone and you know what buttons to push and what reactions to expect. Keeping these in mind can avoid disaster.

• Holiday Meals: Aunt Linda’s wine-soaked stories can venture into uncomfortable territory, while Cousin Todd is ready to challenge you on everything. Don’t engage. Instead, start light. “Please pass the rolls” is a safe opening that builds rapport and may only offend the gluten-free wing of the family.
• Work Communications: When your boss is a bottom-line kind of executive or you have colleagues who need a little extra communication fluff to avoid shattered nerves, tailor your tone and content accordingly. When in doubt, lead with data and empathy. “Here’s the situation and my suggestions for how we can handle it.”

Address Conflict Strategically

Conflict is part of the human experience, but it doesn’t have to become a distraction from the mission of your gathering.

• Holiday Meals: Avoid inflammatory topics like politics, religion, and Tofurkey. Instead, take the middle ground by spreading good cheer. Compliment the chef, celebrate Grandma’s bedazzled holiday sweater and admire your nephew’s alpaca-like hair style.
• Work Communications: Take a beat before responding to a tense email or comment. Employ diplomacy by acknowledging a colleague’s concern, but stay solutions focused. “I understand your concerns. Let me clarify what I meant so we can find a solution together.”

Manage Expectations

Clarifying both your expectations and what you can offer helps to avoid misinterpretation. Clarifying your position without offending others can be achieved.

• Holiday Meals: Stating you are stepping outside to “get some air” can be loosely interpreted to mean you’re taking a moment to avoid listening to Uncle Ernie (who no one invited) go on about how things were so much better in his day and how the world is going to hell in a handbasket now.
• Work Communications: Be explicit about deadlines, deliverables and resources, especially during the holiday season. Doing so early helps avoid miscommunication. And push back when necessary, stating something along the lines of “I’d love to prioritize this, but I need more clarity/resources/time to do so.” Remember, no one appreciates it when someone over promises and under delivers.

Exit Gracefully

When things become untenable or you feel there is little benefit in continuing to be part of the situation, know how to leave without burning bridges.

• Holiday Meals: Deploy a helpful excuse like promising to help in the kitchen or needing to get home to check on your pet that you’ve never mentioned and may not, in fact, actually have.
• Work Communications: Politely steer the meeting toward a conclusion with positive words to the effect of “It seems we’ve aligned on the main points. We can regroup on the details in our next update.”

The secret to any family or work gathering at the end of the year is the same: navigate the situation with empathy, a little humor and as much tact as you can muster. To do so:

• Listen more than you speak
• Breath before you respond
• Find humor where you can, but not at someone else’s expense

Applied successfully, you will navigate this season of full-contact family dynamics and stress-inducing end-of-year business, leaving everyone convinced of your manifest diplomatic skills while creating or contributing to as few moments of holiday drama as possible.